Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
