Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
