I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
