This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
