Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
