I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
