omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
