it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
