I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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