This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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