Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
two words...techno handjob
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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