I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
