we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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