The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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