wat bout pragnant strippers??
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Someone came in the potted fern
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
