i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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