Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
