I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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