I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Drake has all the answers
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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