You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
