Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
operation harelip BJ is a go
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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