This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
