I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
