everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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