either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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