Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
