can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
