Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
40s are totally the cure
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you never un-have a 4some
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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