Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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