So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
