i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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