Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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