You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
