Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
