Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
