She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
