what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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