at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
