your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Less talking, more tequila
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
