why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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