she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I pour the whiskey from now on
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
