a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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