Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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