True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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