Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
