There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Drunk is not a location!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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