I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
