I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
