hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize