4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
