I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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