the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
