I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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