she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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