Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize