Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
