I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
