Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dick very happy bro
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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