Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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