puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Life is so much better after having sex.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
