Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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