I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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