but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
