I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
