I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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