party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
