I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
