so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Less talking, more tequila
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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