i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize