Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
