Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Blood and glitter go together right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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