If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ugly people sure do ruin things
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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