do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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