slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
