"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
