Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
