You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
