May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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