i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
