therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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