Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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