My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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