If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
