We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
