Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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