When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
