Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ttyl tear gas
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
