My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
