The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize