I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
