When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
